Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
