is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
