Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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