So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
