I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
