thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
