I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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