Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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