I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
