went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sarcasm needs its own font
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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