I wish you could order shots online.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
