We won't sleep together?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
