Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
