So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
