Non-Jews are for practice
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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