thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
