will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
