This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
