i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
