I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
