Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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