They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
