Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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