I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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