Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
