We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
