Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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