Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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