Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
