Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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