You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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