Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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