Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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