I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
