I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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