11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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