We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
