I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
