My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
