bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
