She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
