okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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