Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
