Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
