screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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