I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
