She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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