you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize