I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bring me that man meat
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
