I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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