she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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