Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

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  (512): hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one? (1-512): yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go. http://tfl.nu/pwrk
  Replies (18) Good night (3677) Bad night (551)
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  (818): View more from California

  dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?

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  (818): dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone? http://tfl.nu/1prq
  Replies (10) Good night (497) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.

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  (717): took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college. http://tfl.nu/bhs0
  Replies (12) Good night (3719) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...

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  (563): i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes... http://tfl.nu/mlmh
  Replies (28) Good night (5122) Bad night (829)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....

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  (253): Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined..... http://tfl.nu/yuuz
  Replies (13) Good night (769) Bad night (4353) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

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  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4334) Bad night (1213)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

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  (623): My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck. http://tfl.nu/ymmz
  Replies (24) Good night (4238) Bad night (2019) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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  (617): I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/p474
  Replies (21) Good night (1156) Bad night (4887) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.

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  (303): One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud. http://tfl.nu/mlmc
  Replies (20) Good night (8761) Bad night (1205)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.

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  (971): I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa. http://tfl.nu/0b4p
  Replies (28) Good night (5625) Bad night (1555) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.

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  (703): today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/mp4m
  Replies (1) Good night (2380) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.

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  (970): bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog. http://tfl.nu/rc38
  Replies (5) Good night (1585) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?

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  (336): I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/ctqb
  Replies (4) Good night (387) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"

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  (306): And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing" http://tfl.nu/qhff
  Replies (3) Good night (567) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (626): View more from California

  Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.

  (1-626): View more from California

  This is why you don't have nice things.

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  (626): Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread. (1-626): This is why you don't have nice things. http://tfl.nu/swqp
  Replies (3) Good night (1288) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt

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