i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.