Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.