Ambien. No doubt about it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.