Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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