I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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