so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
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just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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