do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
