The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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