Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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