I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
