Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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