That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
