We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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