ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I supernannyed him into submission
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
