She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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