you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
