Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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