actually, I'm a sock model
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
