It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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