I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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