whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No subtext here. People are naked.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
