I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
