the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
