We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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