just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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