i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
