do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
