I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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