My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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