A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
