I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
