Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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