I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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