i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
