Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
