if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
