Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
