You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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